i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
