Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
