The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
