first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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