Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
