I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
