I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
as a side note pls kill me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
