census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize