I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
