saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
