If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
