I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize