Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
