Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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