I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
