How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
