So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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