The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
