gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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