my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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