i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We need to get me chipped asap
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
