You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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