I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this is an emotional support booty call
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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