I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
