2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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