I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize