What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
