I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
