so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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