I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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