The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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