you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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