Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
