so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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