just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
