There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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