I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
