kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
