and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
