I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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