Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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