Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
