He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
