so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize