why didn't you poke me back
there's paper in my vomit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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