I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
