Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
