I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want her autograph on my taint
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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