I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
