I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
