You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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