he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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