and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
