I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
