Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
