just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
