How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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