I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
