my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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