im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
