my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
