My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
