May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
