I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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