Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
