No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
