So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
