Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
