Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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