well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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