Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize