I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
