I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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