jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
