im drinking this country out of the recession.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
