I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize