OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
