Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want to make out with him forever
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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