I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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