it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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