U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
